Serenity

Searching for a direction. Generally guided by forces of incomprehension and irrelevance, my thoughts wander in search for a retreat. A place without time, troubles, deadlines, diseases, wars and full of hope. A place so basic, every thing is tranquil.

Sadly, it has eluded for most part of my life. There were always moments when I felt within grasping range of its shores but they are scattered and always seem to show contempt at me for some reason. Coming so close and going away again. As always, there were many paths which led to my station and I've nearly trodden all of them.

“In the middle of this journey, we lose a bit of ourselves. We do not know where we are or where we’re headed. We look for directions, seek for guidance, and if we’re lucky, we find it without too much time lost. And if we’re truly lucky, we gain our whole selves back, with an ounce of wisdom on top.” 

It's easy to just raise your hands in the air, give up your liberty to those who value it less and are always up in arms with their ideals to force down everyone's throats. Then it is no longer your retreat. It is someone else's. And it will not represent the values your cherish, nor the ones which brings you peace.

I guess, there's always a way. A hidden path if you will.

It's up to you to find your way in.

"You can't take the sky from me."


©2015 Aman Gupta

Tracks

Alone on A Silent Highway to Infiniteness


We are standing at the railway station. The sultry air filling my nostrils with a foreign smell which does not want to let go of me. The voice of the sea is still ringing in my ears, the memories, still fresh before my eyes. It's nearly time, I whisper.
The two set of tracks leading into the station, reminds of a choice I wished we never had to make. The tangle of destinies and collision of worlds, it's enough to make anyone's head hurt. Still, we are here. The clock strikes midnight and we start moving ahead. But where are we going?
You can't really tell, I say. There's no saying as to where we might land up. I have some ideas but I can't really be sure. Do you still want to go along?
As long as it's the same place for us.
I manage a smile, hiding the obvious fear of the unknown, I know it isn't hidden really. For, the next second, I am following where I was leading before.
A deep sense of calm strikes me and for a moment, I know nothing can go wrong from here. The train sounds it's whistle, we sprint towards the nearest door and get inside. Did you see where it is going?, I ask.


No, I don't want to either.


Are you coming along?


©2013 Aman Gupta

Swiftly

Dedicated to Nayanika - you're so sweet and we all love you :)

This one has been long over due and I'm sorry for it.

The wind starts to blow on a lush green landscape, the summer smell reminds me of a distant memory. Everything in sight is painted in the summer colours, yellow, green and blue as far as I can see. As my feet touch the soil, I can tell this sensation will be cherished long after it's gone.
The can feel the wind in my hair. My senses are awake and my eyes try to soak in the mesmerizing sight all at once, which proves to be difficult. The slow coo of birds mixed in perfect harmony with the sound of wind and swaying trees tops, feels musical and magical at once. The great virtuoso pulls the curtains over and it's suddenly starting to rain.
The horizon is a shade of blue-black, with the sun peeking from behind. The sound of rain hitting the earth triggers another memory buried deep. Slow claps of thunder rock the scene but I'm not afraid, I feel overwhelmed at nature's wonderful orchestra. The flash of lightening is streaky and oddly lightens your heart. In an instant, I've let go of it all.
The rain drops tingles the senses, it's cold but heart warming. The water in this rain has travelled very far to be here with you at this moment. This reminds me of home, a distant one.
Slowly, the grey clouds give way to the blue skies and it's bright again. I figure there's a meaning in it all but I'm too hazed too think about it too much. I go back to listening to nature and everything's beautiful again.

©2011-2013 Aman Gupta

Stirrings

Time is at a standstill. An infinite ocean of dark starry skies. Moments in peace and tranquillity. A long vastness and emptiness settles over you and really, that's just how you want it.

There's a worked out pattern in the universe, everything, more or less, happens according to it. Twirling of stars, beating of hearts and just about everything you can think of. Life itself is a cycle of beginnings and fateful endings. The only real rule of universe is, everything that starts must end sooner or later. Sometimes you thank that things got over sooner than later but mostly, you wish if there was a later to speak of.

The silent night sky cares not for your troubles, it's merely there. At all times. Some people take comfort in embracing this and others just frown and kick air.
The silence is disturbed sometimes by an echo from the deep reaches of the star systems, it can numb your senses for a few seconds but it'll pass and the silence will be restored again.

The darkness isn't new to you, it has always been there. Not as a predator but as an accomplice. There's no running, only embracing.

I'm not alone because others can't embrace the truth. It's because others can't embrace the truth, I'm alone.


You won't be hearing soon. Till it's late.

©2013 Aman Gupta

Connect the dots.

Follow the letters..

Days keep blurring past, every attempt at deciphering the motion makes my head fuzzy. It's too much speed in too little time. The skeptic reminds me. Life has become a panorama of odd memories haphazardly stitched together. On a wide scale of time, the photograph contains so little of details as possible. I wonder if things are going to change for the better or worse at the next turn. Given my luck, I'll remain just cautiously optimistic.

In the vast landscape of time, there ever comes a moment so amazing that the universe decides to cut forward the scenes, against your wishes. A moment so astounding that language fails to describe it. These moments, however rare and indistinguishable from the scenery, instantly trigger emotions deep and moving.

Known routes only lead to places seen and unknown ones are the window to the rest of the world. You can be struck down with what you will see and suddenly, the panorama untwists and the finer details start to sparkle in the light. You can either embrace the change or keep sticking with your old and twisted photograph. I know what you will choose.

Simple emotions are the purest ones. Escapist in nature. The sense of running your hand through someone's hair. Looking dreamily at someone's face. Finding a missing part of yourself. Celebrating madness. All simple.

Heightened heart beats. The rhythmic music of beats fuelled by an influx of emotions long forgotten in a painful past. The changes in pace of the beats synchronizes with your slow long breaths and you know, this is the most beautiful moment you will ever come across.

Alive for the first time, the slow opening eyes like after your first kiss with a distant dream. Moments like these sparkle as bright as the stars in the photograph. You know you won't be the same person again, your life is about to take a turn for the good - for the first time. Are you ready to embrace it?

.. did you follow?


©2013 Aman Gupta

The 3 Demons

It's a burden nobody should have to bear. It's a problem nobody should ever face. Like the mythology character we so lovingly despise, I can hear voices in my head which I have no control over. They promise of false paradises, of wishes beyond and oddly, everything I ever really wanted.
The muddled thought process, the striking opinions, counter wishing and a lone hunger for more.

It wasn't long before I became requited with these demons inside of me. All they ever preach is death and destruction. The first one preaches about a time not long gone, an exercise in foolishness. The second one tells about what is happening right now, futility and stubbornness. The third whispers about nothing but death and devastation in the foreseeable time.

I'm fighting my best fight to regain control of myself. I'm not sure where this is headed, but it didn't work out well for our mythological character.




©2013 Aman Gupta

That Again

I have,
by my all thinking self,
surrendered to your humble requests.
Nothing will,
make me want to change, that.

Will there be less light,
in that path, that,
I don't know but,
I'm sure of this, that,
your sunlit eyes will make my way.

------------------------------------------------

And beyond the places with tinkle trees,
sweet sugars and creaking bees,
lies the wisdom of the worlds,
that is sure to be enough, for
everything that I dare pass
will come back and it will
flash, your eyes before
you could blink that amazing
story of an ink and the thing,
with white petals and some roses.

Amazing that,
story of us, took the time,
it took. But now when its time,
I can't find my inner courage,
and ask the question that,
is so late that its a legend now.

Wondering my faults and making amends,
takes much time and may offend,
those people which keep waiting
on the doors of others, wondering
when to knock and listen in.
That time for me to be gone has passed
making way for another me,
that one which won't be same like the one before him.

I only wish, it will last,
for everyone involved in that.


That's all for now. ©2011 Aman Gupta

You know...

Yes, its been long time. I am here again.

Well, you know, when you tire yourself after something you want, like really bad, you do everything and anything to do make that come true. In fact, I would as far as to say that part of the obsession is the little feeling of being not able to get it after giving in everything you've got. That's human Physiology 101- The thing you can't get makes you want it even more.
So, let me get back to myself, here I was obsessing over something I had to get maybe because I 'Just' want to get it - maybe the desperate 'Just' came in later but it was there for a long time. I been trying everything to get it somehow, anyhow.... but, at the same time, I tried not to. That's Physiology 102 - The Mind resists your Heart in every way when you are at the point of desperation, Heart always win.
I got 100 in and took 98 back out, I got relief that I got in 2 at least. See, my whole life started to somehow revolve around it - this 'Somehow' here is my heart, again.
As time went by - like someone had stepped on the pedal - I tried to focus my self on other things, take my blog for example. But, even a fool can get the hint of my heart's meddling with my words - This Post here, could be the first from my Mind.

I got my self busy in anything I got to take my thoughts elsewhere, no use as expected. Mind you, I try hard to remember my school work but that fails 9 out of 10 times, that's my awesome memory. This bring's us to Physiology 103 - People remember things which they feel about sub-consciously, but when they try to remember something forcefully, that's just a waste of time.
I made lots of friends, met some nice people along the way and met some 'not so good' people too but in the end, it helped me make my Mind get into the driving seat. I learned things which I didn't read about in my class, I learned about people and how they can be trusting and about how they really can't. I leaned many things and not all of them were bad, like I leaned the best way to make people believe in you is that you believe in them first. This is our Physiology 104 - People always trust those who trusted them first, its always your call.

So, something happened just 5 minutes ago. I was - as usual - trying to get that 100 in and 98 back out, but something wired happened this time. I got 100 in but got only 50 back , the rest fit into the puzzle. It made me revise my Point no-101. Something, inside me, clicked and marked the end of it all. It turns out, it really was just an obsession because I couldn't get it. I don't want it now. I abandon ship and turn back with no regrets. That is our last lesson for today, the Physiology 105 - Freedom is by virtue of mind's thoughts and it cannot be something you can force.

It's been a tough ride and I quit for a reason, that I don't really care for it anymore - and this is my Head doing the talking. See you Later :)
©2011 Aman Gupta

Come together Part 2

Come back to me girl tonight,

and we'll talk about the-

-fight, we had that-night-

and I'm sorry as I told ya' before.

even still it ain't my fault

that you left before breakfast.

I listened...listened every words you said,

and went back to the time we had,

I couldn't hold it and,

went mad,

couldn't tell you that

I loved you more than anything I had,

couldn't say the words -I was meaning to have-

-to say to you what it is to be in this-

-place, where I wanna say something, but can't..(that)

HOOK:

Ow! Baby, I(i) am(am),

Waiting for you on the edge,

Waiting for the night to end....

Waiting for you to come, 

and hold my'e' hand.

That's all I wanted to say,

baby come back,

make my day,

make my world a little more realistic,

//but I couldn't get past the damn feeling of regret,

I tried, tried harder than you,

controlled my self to say things at you,

it wasn't easy I ad-mit but,

it was easier when I saw the pain you would feel if I did -it..//

so, I comeback looking for you,

I don't wanna hurt you,

jus' wanna save you,

from the autocracy of the world.

Now, I'll just wait here on the edge of

the night, waiting for the stars and the moon to rise....

because I'm -

HOOK:

Waiting for you on the edge,

Waiting for the night to end....

Waiting for you to come, 

till the light from the sun,

touches my skin and it burns

I need to run,

clear up some space hon',

I'll be late, don't wait up,

don't 'Goodbye' me dear,

I'll be back,

and before you know it,

we'll be right on track.

and all I wanted to say,

baby come back,

and make my day...everyday.

©2010 Aman Gupta

Goodnight :)

Wrote it in the night to wish someone a good night :)

I walk on the Oceans which spew the tides of time, 

I climb on the memories and make my way though the night.

I sense the nature, round and round, it makes me spin, 

faster I get the slow things become, 

and the rabbits pounce much higher than before. 

I taste the smells and make cakes of my dreams, 

I bake them in an oven made of sweetness and cream.

I see with my hands the surprise in your eyes, 

when I close them for you to wish you....

a Good night...and sweet dreams :)

©2010 Aman Gupta

Time to Remember

///PARAGRAPH:
Com-on, its time we showed you,
What it is,
to be in my place,
Its too hard that,
I hadta,
look back,
But its all I wanted,
so dump the world and ride with me......

//RAP:
Its not everyday that one-
-finds himself, regretting.
Of all the people he knows,
only those reply-
-who he doesn't rows..and he-
-know that he have to make some more tyme
to explain the pain,
make you forget the rain,
Its all so stupid to say.
So, I come back, see you there,
feel you here, wanna be near-
to you, bear with me you,
coz I'm here, where are youu?
I'm here but you were not there.
Now the months pass forward like-
there no tyme-
to write these stupid rhymes and
get on with my boring lyfe.
Its So Depressing that I had to stop-
Mah self to say the things I felt-
when you looked at me for the first tyme...

//REFRAIN:
I Won't look---,
look back into the---
Time...THE time when we had the RHYMe-
of life waiting at the doorstep for-you...fo--r, you...

I won't see----,
see you when you come back,
to feel the pain in my eyye,
feellll...the pain in my eyes.......

//RAP:
No, no, no, no,
Its all happening too fast,
I wished to make it last,
It didn't needed to be so fast,
Ow, man,
Its ridiculous that-
sometimes all your life boils down to the fact-
that nothing counted except for heRr and-
everything I wanted was her to know that-
I will always be her numba one,
as long as Im A-alive.
I'll live for you, you and you alone could-
make me numb,
make me cry till one,
but on the other ha-nd,
make me smile and make me laugh,
that's the power you have-
over me, you CONTROL ME-
baby, know that, I'm and will always be-
the one to who'll love you long,
till its Christmas time h'on,
coz then I won't be here
becoz the santa's ain't real.....

//REFRAIN

I Won't look---,

look back into the---

Time...the time when we had the rhyme-

of life waiting at the doorstep for-you...

-won't see----,

see you when you come back,

to feel the pain in my eyye,

feellll...the pain in my eyes.......

//PARAGRAPH:
To you, yeah, you!!,
Come on and join me,
its time, we showed-
the world what it is...to be yourself...

©2010 Aman Gupta

Cometogether

I listened...listened every words you said,
and went back to the time we had,
I couldn't hold it and,
went mad,
couldn't tell you that
I loved you more than anything I had,
couldn't say the words -I was meaning to have-
-to say to you what it is to be in this-
-place, where I wanna say something, but can't..(that)

O! Baby, I(i) am(am),
the-one-who-makes-himself-suffer,
and-makes-others-differ,
holds-his-breath-to-prove-hisself
but-couldn't make up his ow(ow)n mind.

I wanted to say,
baby come back,
make my day,
//but I couldn't get past the damn feeling of regret,
I tried, tried harder than you,
controlled my self to say things at you,
it wasn't easy I ad-mit but,
it was easier when I saw the pain you would fell if I did (it)...//

I need to run,
clear up some space hon',
I'll be late, don't wait up,
don't 'Goodbye' me dear,
I'll be back,
and before you know it,
we'll be right on track.

and all I wanted to say,

baby come back,

and make my day...everyday.

©2010 Aman Gupta

Remember....

Remember....

I want to see ya,

No one's believing,

I could cross the time and come back for(for),

You...Yeah, You..

You make me feel,

feel what is re-eal,

Make me laugh,

I still remember all the times we had,

make me cry,

whenever you are not besides me, (Oh Girl!)

Girl, I couldn't have been more wrong,

I thought so, but I was not strong,

I made it my life,

to watch the happiness in your eyes.

/In the day of the summer we had, together

we saw what its like to be,

together we would cross oceans and see,

the world come and see what it is,

You go, leave me alone,

now the world isn't mah home,

I wanted you, I didn't wanna leave,

believed me you,

but I had no fuckin rhyme to tell you,

now I came back for you,

now I don't want nobody either,

I just wanna look,

look into those...eye.s...../

Girl, I couldn't have been more wrong,

I thought so, but I was not strong,

I made it my life,

to watch the happiness in your smile.

/The smile made my day,

believe what you may,

I pray, pray to neva' leave you alone,

oh wait, I just did that before,

baby, please, don't go,

I am here,

come back and make me your own,

I am here, where are you?

Oh don't...don't go,

come back and wait

TO SEE it is what I believe it is,

Yes! its me that is,

I am ready to believe,

isn't it whatcya'  wished?

now come back,

let me hear ya,

know wha'? I wanna get to kno' ya!/

And after I go,

I don't know

Will you come back,

Who knows...

But let me take this time...

to say...

Thank you! and that's all I wish.

News :)

A Revelation from and For Myself

I spent the last month writing about the year 2009 and what it meant to me. I wrote about all the things that changed me or rather transformed me to what I am now. I wrote and wrote…. and finally, the rough write was finished and in my opinion it looked one of my best works which needed to be polished a little, just like a diamond. I became obsessed with the ‘article’. Now, little did I knew that article was brewing me, stirring me and casting me in the casket of a dark person.

I read the article one more time, with lights on. I found out how miserable I had been!

Now, I won’t go into the details of my suspicion of the cause.  I read it again and again…until finally I started to laugh, like I had never laughed before. The days ahead seemed to look more cheerful and promising. Yes, my life was ready for another twist with a new fire in my heart!

I read the article one last time to reflect on my mistakes and chose to forgive myself, finally……. Ha, I’m Back WITH A BaNg!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE WON’T EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN………….
Friends, I will always be there for you, for you were there when I needed you the most.

-Aman Gupta, Back….

(C)Aman Gupta 2009-2010

The Silent Cry of The Unforgiving Heart

Oh, how much I long to hear from you,

So much, I cannot even describe.

Everynight, the heart leaps and wants to see you,

All the time I want to be with you.

Throught the colds and the thrills, to the

heart chilling winds from the dellusional loving words.

'The words forgetting by the world forgot?'

Never. Shall you see into me, see ye' only love, I promise and cross heart.

Only I ask for a little imagination, little affection.

Now will to dive into my heart?(Like you did before)

No, yes perhaps....if only I could hide my feelings, which

spread across my face and sees through my words.

Should you wonder-What is the reason and what have you done?

I have no answer, all I know is that I am in Love with you.


(C)Aman Gupta 2009-2010

Dark Memories

A bird flutters its feathers. A clock ticks a second. A drop of rain falls on my windowsill.


Every second, there are millions of happenings around the universe but you don’t suppose that something important is going to happen to you..A call maybe from the distant yet near past or seeing someone you took pain in forgetting.....sometimes at the time of the event, you don't think, you don't look around you....your heart leaps. Nothing...nothing can go wrong now, you dive into your past breaking all the silent promises, silently.

After 'Screwing Up’ you know you had your chance, time ruins the deepest of friendship...so what’s an hour long 'friendly' talk. It was as if a chill swept through me, constraining my heart but forcing it to pump harder the black blood in my veins. The Memories of it will haunt me for some time to come.....

(C)Aman Gupta 2009

Love?

Am I In Love? Again?
Maybe You can Help, tell me What is Love?
I Feel Good When I see You Smile, As if your Smile was the essence of my tasteless Life. Whenever I Talk to you, I Feel Light and Shaky all the time. I Say what I feel or is it my heart talking?
I want to be beside you all the time, feel sad when you leave. The Twinkle in your eyes brighten my day. The time is the cruel teacher, snatching these last few precious moments....feels Love, right?

Please Tell me what is this.....

(C)Aman Gupta 2009

You're Beautiful

And the world was beautiful again.

I looked at the rising sun,  lifted myself and with me, my hope. The sun was red from the love and inspiration it was bestoing on us. The world was full of love again, I fell in love with this world again. After losing all my hope, I have found it again. The grass was sparkling, the tiny water droplets shining on thier brims. Birds fyling and wind running, my world was full of happiness once more. The love I searched is here, I love my friends as they love me, and my world was beautiful again.
And I don't want to stop here, I want speard my love and happiness all over the world, to every living soul who belives in love.
And If 'YOU' are reading this (yes, you) then you are the reason I love this world.
(C)Aman Gupta 2009

Love......yes,love,,,,,,

I look at the Darkning Sky, Waiting for the Sunrise tomorrow. (that is you)
In Path of Darkness, I chase the beam of light. (that is you)
In times of difficulty, I remember good times. (that is you)
In pain, I remember my inner strength. (that is you)
I felt sad, I remind myself of happiness. (that is you)
I was alone, I wanted someone to share myself with. (that is you)
I was dying, I needed one last look of her. (that is you)
It was very cold, I felt warmness. (that is you)
I was nervous, I heard someone joke. (that is you)
It was raining hard, all I needed was the special someone. (that is you)
(C)Aman Gupta 2009

Rains, the Amazing Drops of Wonderfulness

Rains.....
I held my hand up and asked him, what is is this water that falls from the above. He looked up, smiled at me and said-'This is no ordinary water, this water has travelled miles and miles before reaching your palm. But its not the hydrological cycle that makes it wonderful...' I asked what it was, out of curiosity..'But, its nothing more than God's own way of saying that He loves us'.I thought about that for a second while he looked at me, then I asked him why this way when there are other?.He again spoke in his calm voice-'because, yesterday he saw everyone suffer from the hot, now he wants to help them by bringing this cold water..'.The question was already in my mind, so I asked him that if he cant see us suffer, then why doesn't it rain all the time?. He smiled again and answered-'Because if it would rain all the time, then who will miss God and remember his name?'The Question was blinding and I was not ready...

Rains are from Heaven, Amazing, soothing, rich, cold, and overall BEAUTIFUL....
(C)Aman Gupta 2009