SE13

I imagine a day where I, unshackled, walk up to the intercom and press the numbers to Alaska. I'm instantly transported to a memory that I know I cherish. Roller-coastering to Bank, walks to see the bow of a landlocked ship, seeing the majestic laser into the night sky and just existing. Even something as mundane as getting a tv cabinet or buying a carpet can be unforgettable. You know?

At the wharfy junction, you have a choice. You take the train going the direction you want. Maybe life doesn't have to be a single shade of your choosing. Sometime life chooses for you. And sometimes, it's a rainbow. Alas, we don't always have all the time we want.

©2025 Aman Gupta

Wait, It gets better

I don't suppose the coffee has anything to do with the events I'm not going to not describe for you here. These events may or may not have happened in reality and you are at liberty to form your own narrow opinions.

I suppose the sun was down and it was getting a bit nippy - even with warm fire we were all sitting in front of. Now that I think about it, it might have been the snowfall combined with the unholy winds in those parts which was making us all shiver out uninteresting random stories.
As we were all looking at the dwindling excuse of a fire while shaking violently, I couldn't help but notice the lack of plot this story of mine would have if I were to write it down for my mediocre audience. So I gave a nod to everyone, which no one noticed, and went back to my room, which again, no one noticed - pondering about what the actual hell am I doing here with my life - for exactly 3 seconds. The room was just 10 ft away from the fire. But once I got in the room, I welcomed the uncool air and unwarmed blankets, a refreshing change from the shared room I had to share yesterday. I took off my messy boots and threw them around the room as if I wouldn't need them the first thing in the morning for the trek - which coincidentally, was the exact thing I had to do first thing in the morning. Took off my soaked socks and went into the cocoon that was my bed with multiple layers of warm blankets over it.
I perhaps dozed off because the next thing I remember now was me lying over the freezing floor with my right leg still stuck in the blanket - which was odd because I slept on the right hand side of the bed. With the sleep gone and my left side of body paralyzed from cold, I figured the best way to spend time till morning was to continue wasting time on thinking about how to waste time. Most of the thoughts centered around what was climbing down my back - until it turned out to be a spider. After that the night was slow and my thoughts wandered from music to tablecloth to having a bowl of hot stew. After having my imaginary yet vividly detailed bowl of stew, I went back to thinking about the question of life and everything. The answer was 28.
That was as good as answer as any. What really got me thinking was why are we really here, our purpose in the grand scheme of things and whether I will have eggs for breakfast. The answer to at least one of the questions was a yes. I once read a very dramatic quote on a message board written with a bad typographic font about the purpose of life.

"To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life."

It all sounded ridiculous at first, but believe me, as the night got longer and quite all I could think about was how have I lived my life up till this point and if I would have butter on my toast at the breakfast. (I was really hungry)

I don't think I've really lived life the best way possible, the instruction manual was really outdated and should really have served as just mere guidelines. And while I'm not going jumping off the next cliff I climb with my bear feet in the Himalayan range and I'm definitely not going diving in pacific without proper breathing apparatus on a soviet era fishing/navy steamer - I'm still going to spend more time out than time in. And I started by making my way to the kitchen, asking for leftover dessert.

It was bit nippy though, I took my blanket along.

©2014 Aman Gupta

Stirrings

Time is at a standstill. An infinite ocean of dark starry skies. Moments in peace and tranquillity. A long vastness and emptiness settles over you and really, that's just how you want it.

There's a worked out pattern in the universe, everything, more or less, happens according to it. Twirling of stars, beating of hearts and just about everything you can think of. Life itself is a cycle of beginnings and fateful endings. The only real rule of universe is, everything that starts must end sooner or later. Sometimes you thank that things got over sooner than later but mostly, you wish if there was a later to speak of.

The silent night sky cares not for your troubles, it's merely there. At all times. Some people take comfort in embracing this and others just frown and kick air.
The silence is disturbed sometimes by an echo from the deep reaches of the star systems, it can numb your senses for a few seconds but it'll pass and the silence will be restored again.

The darkness isn't new to you, it has always been there. Not as a predator but as an accomplice. There's no running, only embracing.

I'm not alone because others can't embrace the truth. It's because others can't embrace the truth, I'm alone.


You won't be hearing soon. Till it's late.

©2013 Aman Gupta

Hallucination

I wake up and don't look back to yesterdays.
A Mind infused with insecurities and difficulties. A long and painful demise of a Yellow Star, prime in its life. Although my mind often plays tricks on me, I never give in to them. Always finding the truth distinct from unreal conclusions. Light seem to deprive me of itself lately, I see shadows of a young carefree boy whenever I take a turn in the opposite direction, which I often do. My World is as expansive as the Universe itself, I might have so many people who would say 'Yes' to my questions but none really mean it.
One Day, I conjure up an Idea. The simplest of ideas. I told myself I could pass, whatever comes. I start slowly, often looking back, trying to retrace my 'experiment' - It was a success, I had the control over myself. As I grew confident of the results of this experiment, the 'retracing' exercise was eventually abandoned. It was a wonderful feeling, I felt my existence actually made a difference. The Days were brighter, the longing nights got shorter. I grew more confident. So confident that I forgot this was an experiment in the first place. The Idea, the simple idea took hold of me slowly. As the things began to change, the conditions for the experiments also changed rapidly, there was no longer the suitable environment. But, with the original knowledge of Reality lost in the Idea, it became impossible for me to go back.
I tried everything, in my reach to get rid of the Idea, but it was too late, the Idea and Reality had now merged, no longer distinct from each other. The origin of Idea was never traced, so never could I get the blame on anything except myself. The Voice from an indistinct yet different past screams at me for my stupidity.
There, walking in the Shadows, is me, in a parallel word. He is the most empathetic towards me, he knows what I have been through and understand what other fail to. He puts a hand on my shoulder and says "Keep Living the Dream - As long as you can wake up from it" There is pain in the eyes of this new man, compassion and a desire to be loved. His hands tremble from the weight of his own burden, the burden I won't help him with even as he begs me to help him in carrying it to the other side. He then starts to cry but finally laughs.
I see the joke now, the laugh comes from my own mouth, those tears still fresh on my cheeks. My hands trembling from their own weight,  the lips silently murmuring the cry for help. All this time I was looking in the mirror of reality, making promises to myself, offering wisdom to myself.
I see smoky figments, they say we will help you but only if you play their own game, a maliciously designed un-winnable scenario. I trade my soul for the gamble of making the game easier. I lose, lose everything but this mind. They leave my mind behind, they know I will eventually start torturing myself with it - because they know, my mind is infected with the Idea.
Awake.

Back from the Hell. ©2011 Aman Gupta

Crazy

Sometimes when everyone in the house is asleep, I listen to music.

I got swept up, in this society where everything is related to the clatter in your wallets, there's hardly any room for someone like me. I am a slave to all the things this new world has to offer me, I lap everything that gets my attention. I advocate the changes, take the side of development for greater good.  But as much as I like to go ahead, I find myself looking back over my shoulders to the times gone by.
Suddenly, I find charm and love towards '50s music, the simple words with those distinct sound of instruments gone. The modern society believes in 'maximizing' and will always strive to get better at it, although will never be perfect. The simpler times of years before even my birth appeal to me though the literature and photographs. The times when a man would go hunting with his hunting rifle to get food on the table and spend the remainder of the day with his family, listening to the records on his phonographs.
No more worries about Nuclear Meltdowns, no more worries about the self catalyzed Natural Calamities, no running, no worries about how we always need to have more than we need, no people who rest their dreams in someone else's, no more rampant crimes and no more people who manipulate their own kind.
Everything is here, at a touch of a button, but yet I want it to be at a 20 mile foot travel so I know what its worth, Small things have lost its value, people cling on to other people's dreams and hope, nobody wants to work hard for their living. Everything here is about making life easy and not really about increasing its quality.
I used to be any average person in the crowd, until I was exposed to the world above me, I never knew so many abstract concepts before - It boggled my mind. I don't want people to have unfair advantages and I don't want these people in power who misuse the trust of many good men and women.
Simply said, I am tired of this society, not of this repetitive and inconclusive life. I have hope in humanity and maybe someday, we'll work together or maybe fall together. Sometimes, when nobody's watching I listen to strange music and sing along with the strange yet powerful words.
And, now I quote from this song which is stuck in my head- "So, Bongo Bongo Bongo, I don't wanna leave the Congo, O no no no no ---- bongo bongo bongo, I am so happy in the jungle, I refuse to go. Civilization, I'll stay right here. (away from you)"




Authors NOTE:I wrote this article in a kind of disturbed state of mind - yes, I do mean all of this though just that I didn't want to vent it out like this.

That's all for now. ©2011 Aman Gupta

Goodnight :)

Wrote it in the night to wish someone a good night :)

I walk on the Oceans which spew the tides of time, 

I climb on the memories and make my way though the night.

I sense the nature, round and round, it makes me spin, 

faster I get the slow things become, 

and the rabbits pounce much higher than before. 

I taste the smells and make cakes of my dreams, 

I bake them in an oven made of sweetness and cream.

I see with my hands the surprise in your eyes, 

when I close them for you to wish you....

a Good night...and sweet dreams :)

©2010 Aman Gupta