Showing posts with label Narratives. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Narratives. Show all posts

30-ish

“Too many times,” his standard response, “I don’t really keep count.”

Today was my second day at the Pool and here I was ‘chatting’ him up like I’ve known him for years. He was an interesting character, no doubt, but there was something else about him that egged me to keep on talking with him, even after yesterday’s ‘accident’. I guess it was his confidence which lent the required weight to his chatter, more than anything.

“A good day then, huh?” I asked him, knowing his response already.

“It was neither bad nor particularly good I’d say.” He said as he dipped in his head for some bubbling exercise.

I guess he says that about everything.

“There’s one thing that I don’t get, why did he even say yes in the first place?” I asked him, hoping for a definite answer this time round. “I mean, this guy doesn’t know you, hasn’t seen you in the office before today, let alone working together, and yet he says yes without ever asking you about specifics?”

“Let me just say that he didn’t need to. At least he thinks that, so it doesn’t really matter.” He said pulling his glasses down. He was getting ready for his first lap. He has this fixation with numbers and today he said it looks like a 30-ish day to the guy on the locker counter.

I’m still thinking about what he just told me when he returns from his lap. “Too much chlorine today, again.” Not surprising, public pools here are rarely maintained like their private counterparts. “30 is good here.”

He returns a minute later. “Maybe it is a bit too much after all.” He says after removing his goggles. “What’s the matter? You seem a bit upset.”

“Too much of chlorine for my taste as well.” I lied.

Yesterday I saw this man go crazy mad over the poor lifeguard for a nonissue and here’s him asking me what is causing me to be upset, after he just told me what transpired in his office today.
He put on his goggles, “Well, swim up or you’ll be holding your breath for nothing.”

I work in a big company, handling the end product QA, have 5 people reporting to me hourly at work, clients of my company calling every other day complaining about random nonissues and yet, I’ve never met someone as obnoxious as this guy free styling across the length of pool in his blue speedo.

“So, what are going to say to him when you meet him tomorrow?” I asked him when he returned.
“Nothing really. That is if I do meet him at all tomorrow.”

I looked at him again. He’s probably in his late 20’s, working in some new company which recently opened its offices here in this city, probably some leased space on the fringes of urban sprawl. Don’t think he yet understands that he may have ruined the life of his work colleague in a matter of minutes.

“When do you plan to start out?”

He just shrugged and went for his last lap of the evening.


He returns 5 minutes later, “I guess after the shower.”


©2015 Aman Gupta

Tracks

Alone on A Silent Highway to Infiniteness


We are standing at the railway station. The sultry air filling my nostrils with a foreign smell which does not want to let go of me. The voice of the sea is still ringing in my ears, the memories, still fresh before my eyes. It's nearly time, I whisper.
The two set of tracks leading into the station, reminds of a choice I wished we never had to make. The tangle of destinies and collision of worlds, it's enough to make anyone's head hurt. Still, we are here. The clock strikes midnight and we start moving ahead. But where are we going?
You can't really tell, I say. There's no saying as to where we might land up. I have some ideas but I can't really be sure. Do you still want to go along?
As long as it's the same place for us.
I manage a smile, hiding the obvious fear of the unknown, I know it isn't hidden really. For, the next second, I am following where I was leading before.
A deep sense of calm strikes me and for a moment, I know nothing can go wrong from here. The train sounds it's whistle, we sprint towards the nearest door and get inside. Did you see where it is going?, I ask.


No, I don't want to either.


Are you coming along?


©2013 Aman Gupta

Fate and Faith


I'm a bit down. That's a very understated truth and more of a far fetched lie. 


In dedication to Carl Sagan.

I breathe in, and breathe out. Somehow, this sole act combined with the compression of my heart are a warm reminder - reminder of my mortality. I look up at the sky when I feel alone, the stars, the incomprehensible vastness of the universe amazes me to no end but also reminds me every time  that in this vast ocean of space - I'm just a humble bit of carbon. Human beings are not designed to live long you see, we have a very (and I cannot stress this word enough) short lifespan - not even worth a second on the current cosmic timeline.
Every other day, I wake up wondering if anything important will happen today - but the skeptic in me always reminds me that no matter what happens, it won't show up on the timeline of the species. Sure you can argue that events add up, that, the infinite probabilities existing for the next second or even the next year take a hit for every action we perform now and finally collapse into a single future - which we experience then. I wish this made me feel any better about the future, if anything, this makes me feel paranoid for the present.
We are a young species, barely into the third day of the cosmic timeline. We have inter-earth politics, wars, disasters, crimes, religions, race and what not. I feel sad for the slow human conscious, we don't constitute a second ourselves but still we are pretty bent upon petty issues. I can only wish someday, in a distant future, a man will wake in world free of the shackles which bind his conscious to the materialistic world and he would then finally understand his role in the overall scheme of things.

But why, of a sudden, have I taken such a sad direction for my life?
Well, in my opinion, the emotion of sadness is pretty subjective. You can say I have more feet resting on the planet which borne me. I understand that even though I will not live to see the next century, I know somehow, our species will endure.

Sure, a century seems like a long enough time - maybe twice the lifespan of an average man in the 1800's but  when we look at it on a broader scale, it represents merely a second on the cosmic timeline. I guess this is why our species is so slow on waking up and lacks the wisdom to make an impact on the universal scale. It's just like an unstable particle in a lab, short lifespan - lots of potential. This is why most of the population of our planet is happy letting things slide, this is how they justify their greed and agenda. They simply lack the vision and the patience.

We have grown up listening to tales and watching media which popularizes the idea of Humans surviving against all odds. Well, as much as I like to say that I believe in the idea, there's a small part of me that keeps me skeptic. I ask this very simple question: What exactly do we have to offer the universe?
We just are. The sooner we confront the truth that we are just a product of a very lucky set of circumstances and that we are not special in any regard than any other life form which evolved during the same time as ours, perhaps in another sol system, we archive a state of belonging and togetherness. We begin to think just how alone we are and how we have been wasting what little we have - both time of the universe and our planet.

The global conscious is slowly waking, the last century saw remarkable leaps in our understanding of the universe. That will keep me going for now but I still feel bad for our species, we have such short lifespans that we cannot even begin to comprehend the mysteries that lie out there.

I know my eventual fate as a sole human, but my faith in the future of humanity remains unshaken.

©2012 Aman Gupta


Author Note: This article actually started out to describe all the troubles I have in my world right now and how the circumstances are testing my resistance to bow before them (and how I will not) but ended up being something else entirely. A somber reminder that we all have far more to worry about.

Untitled Mind

I had nothing to hold, my world was shattered by the abstracts thoughts which led to her. I found myself laying naked on thin ice. The world dazzeled in front of my eyes, it asked the same question again and again-'Who are you?'. I kept replying, the truth lying in plain sight, 'No one'.
The world as I knew had dissappered, the comic moment when the character takes a moment to realise the Ice beneath him has shattered and falls into a dark gaping hole. Falling and Falling until he realises that hole had no end.....it was a hole he had created in his thoughts, thoughts which led him to....her. Nothing mattered to me more than her, and her happ'y'ness.
Realizing his mistake too late, he went out to correct everything.....only to make it worse....
C)Aman Gupta 2009

The Unknown Man......

The Unkown Man

The Cold was taking over him, In his last moments, he started to recall his memories of his early childhood.
'I was not always like this, I used to be the best in my class...now, after all this time, I am now tired of this world. This merciless world smiles at me and beckons to go on, but I've seen the true face that mask hides behind it.'
'I never thought that I would, someday, become one of them.....a somebody.'
'Everything was so perfect, I still can't tell what went wrong?'
'I never got what I should have deserved, but still the future held hope tightly. I wasn't doing all for me, but for everyone around me. I Prayed for a Better life for the Future me. A life full of love and friends where there are no more goals, no more targets, no more worries, no more chasing...'
'Music gave me sense, It gave me momentum to accomplish my goals and still be in control of myself. Then, everything changed.......'


Just something I wrote out of my mind.....

(C)Aman Gupta 2009