You know...

Yes, its been long time. I am here again.

Well, you know, when you tire yourself after something you want, like really bad, you do everything and anything to do make that come true. In fact, I would as far as to say that part of the obsession is the little feeling of being not able to get it after giving in everything you've got. That's human Physiology 101- The thing you can't get makes you want it even more.
So, let me get back to myself, here I was obsessing over something I had to get maybe because I 'Just' want to get it - maybe the desperate 'Just' came in later but it was there for a long time. I been trying everything to get it somehow, anyhow.... but, at the same time, I tried not to. That's Physiology 102 - The Mind resists your Heart in every way when you are at the point of desperation, Heart always win.
I got 100 in and took 98 back out, I got relief that I got in 2 at least. See, my whole life started to somehow revolve around it - this 'Somehow' here is my heart, again.
As time went by - like someone had stepped on the pedal - I tried to focus my self on other things, take my blog for example. But, even a fool can get the hint of my heart's meddling with my words - This Post here, could be the first from my Mind.

I got my self busy in anything I got to take my thoughts elsewhere, no use as expected. Mind you, I try hard to remember my school work but that fails 9 out of 10 times, that's my awesome memory. This bring's us to Physiology 103 - People remember things which they feel about sub-consciously, but when they try to remember something forcefully, that's just a waste of time.
I made lots of friends, met some nice people along the way and met some 'not so good' people too but in the end, it helped me make my Mind get into the driving seat. I learned things which I didn't read about in my class, I learned about people and how they can be trusting and about how they really can't. I leaned many things and not all of them were bad, like I leaned the best way to make people believe in you is that you believe in them first. This is our Physiology 104 - People always trust those who trusted them first, its always your call.

So, something happened just 5 minutes ago. I was - as usual - trying to get that 100 in and 98 back out, but something wired happened this time. I got 100 in but got only 50 back , the rest fit into the puzzle. It made me revise my Point no-101. Something, inside me, clicked and marked the end of it all. It turns out, it really was just an obsession because I couldn't get it. I don't want it now. I abandon ship and turn back with no regrets. That is our last lesson for today, the Physiology 105 - Freedom is by virtue of mind's thoughts and it cannot be something you can force.

It's been a tough ride and I quit for a reason, that I don't really care for it anymore - and this is my Head doing the talking. See you Later :)
©2011 Aman Gupta

1 comment:

Bhavul said...

That's an important step of growing up. I've had the same feeling at some time.

And the way you wrote it, dude, i'm having a linkback to your blog on my blog ;-)